Recently, your mother and I were searching for an answer on Google. Halfway through entering the question, Google returned a list of the most popular searches in the world. Perched at the top of the list was “How to keep him interested.”
It startled me. I scanned several of the countless articles about how to be sexy and sexual, when to bring him a beer versus a sandwich, and the ways to make him feel smart and superior.
And I got angry.
Little One, it is not, has never been, and never will be your job to “keep him interested.”
Little One, your only task is to know deeply in your soul—in that unshakeable place that isn’t rattled by rejection and loss and ego—that you are worthy of interest. (If you can remember that everyone else is worthy of interest also, the battle of your life will be mostly won. But that is a letter for another day.)
If you can trust your worth in this way, you will be attractive in the most important sense of the word: you will attract a boy who is both capable of interest and who wants to spend his one life investing all of his interest in you.
Little One, I want to tell you about the boy who doesn’t need to be keptinterested, because he knows you are interesting:
I don’t care if he puts his elbows on the dinner table—as long as he puts his eyes on the way your nose scrunches when you smile. And then can’t stop looking.
I don’t care if he can’t play a bit of golf with me—as long as he can play with the children you give him and revel in all the glorious and frustrating ways they are just like you.
I don’t care if he doesn’t follow his wallet—as long as he follows his heart and it always leads him back to you.
I don’t care if he is strong—as long as he gives you the space to exercise the strength that is in your heart.
I couldn’t care less how he votes—as long as he wakes up every morning and daily elects you to a place of honor in your home and a place of reverence in his heart.
I don’t care about the color of his skin—as long as he paints the canvas of your lives with brushstrokes of patience, and sacrifice, and vulnerability, and tenderness.
I don’t care if he was raised in this religion or that religion or no religion—as long as he was raised to value the sacred and to know every moment of life, and every moment of life with you, is deeply sacred.
In the end, Little One, if you stumble across a man like that and he and I have nothing else in common, we will have the most important thing in common:
Because in the end, Little One, the only thing you should have to do to “keep him interested” is to be you.
Your eternally interested guy,
Happy International Women’s Day
IM CRYING IN THE MIDDLE OF CLASS
I teared up. You got me.
Awww. That was beautiful, and important.
Before the clock strikes 12, I just want to wish my bundle of joy a happy 11 months! I can’t believe he’s turning the big ONE next month 😢 Don’t forget to save April 26th for his birthday party! Still in the process of sending out the invitations haha
Goddess of Love
My Baby Shower was exactly one year ago. It’s so crazy how this year just flew by!
Fenix’s first time swimming with daddy & Jeffry the giraffe
Silver suits them!
JR Celski 😍
Self-Fulfilling Prophecies In Relationships
A self-fulfilling prophecy is a strong idea or belief in something that comes true or takes place as a result of our belief that it will. The success of our relationships and our happiness in our relationships is largely impacted on our attitudes about them. Here’s how self-fulfilling prophecies are at play in our relationships:
- Thinking you’re not good enough. If you believe that you aren’t good enough for your partner, you’ll always be finding reasons why this is true. When you are looking for reasons to back up your theory, you’ll find them everywhere. Your lack of confidence will show up every time they talk to another guy/girl, and your insecurity will likely lead to the demise of the relationship. Even though your partner probably doesn’t think so, your belief that you aren’t good enough has the ability to kill the relationship as you act in a way that proves that they are better than you.
- Thinking you don’t deserve to be happy. Lacking self-esteem and self-confidence ultimately translates into a belief that you don’t deserve happiness in your relationships. By thinking this, you will seek out partners that either don’t make you happy, or you’ll sabotage ones that have potential as a defense mechanism. So by believing that you don’t deserve to be happy, your actions will ensure that you never have the chance.
- Thinking that your partner is a loser. If the attraction you once saw in your partner has waned and you now think that they aren’t good enough for you, you’ll start to see evidence of this everywhere. The small flaws that you once overlooked will suddenly be huge and obvious until we can’t take it anymore. This often happens when we decide that we want to break up with someone, and from that moment on we can’t stand to be around him or her.
- Thinking that your relationship is wonderful. Not all self-fulfilling relationship prophecies are negative. In this case, believing that you have a great relationship with a wonderful partner will often be true. Your positive attitude and view of the relationship will help you to overlook flaws and enjoy your partner for all of their good qualities, making you feel happy and satisfied in the relationship. A good attitude can go a long way in being happy in our relationships.
- Thinking you’ll be alone forever. It’s easy for this belief to come true because we simply give up on ourselves and stop trying. Believing that you’ll end up alone can easily be proven correct if you stop looking for love.
- Thinking you’re undesirable. Feeling lousy about ourselves translates into negative emotions that other people pick up on. So believing that no one wants you means that you probably act in such a way that ensures no one will. If you have low self-confidence you probably aren’t coming across as being upbeat, fun, positive, energetic or any of the other things that people look for in a partner. In this way, believing that you’re undesirable to others is a self-fulfilling prophecy that we prove through our negative actions and attitudes.
I ask myself everyday.